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How To Get A Job Fast As Hell

thechronicleofshe

@owenabbott

Apply to a job, wait (1) day, then call. Give them your first and last name. Tell them you submitted an application and that you’re very motivated to find [Enter field name] work. Let the conversation lead you wherever it takes. Be very polite. Say” thank you for your time, I’ll be looking forward to hearing back from you.” Rinse, repeat. This is to force them to be looking out for your application.
When you get to the interview, shake their hand firmly, tell them your first and last name.
Describe your experiences as “ two years transcription and data entry” if you have a desk job interview and “ [however many years] costumer service, retail and stock” for your retail jobs.
Don’t use job “ buzz words” I stg they hear them all day. Say things like, “ I’m detail oriented and am very good at taking instruction.” “ I would like to work for a company with integrity and I feel that [ company name] would be a good fit”
When they ask you if you have “reliable transportation” say YES. don’t tell them what kind of transportation, just say yes. (if you don’t do this, you wont get the job , I’m telling you right now).
Research the company. Know what they do, why they do it, how OLD the company is. WHERE it was founded, and what kind of position you’re intending to apply for.
When they ask you “ give us a situation where you had to blah blah blah” Make one the fuck up. Make yourself sound good as hell, and like you put your company’s needs slightly above the customer’s needs, but make the customer happy.
If they ask you about being outgoing, Say you “like to focus on your work so you can concentrate on doing things right” (which buys you out of having to act friendly all the time)

Questions for after the interview:

1. Does this position offer upward mobility?

2. Do you enjoy working for the company? (if you’re not interviewing for a temp agency who will send you anywhere)

Then, shake their hand, Ask them to repeat their name (REMEMBER THIS) say thank you for your time, wish them a nice day and leave. write their name down outside if you have to, just remember the fuck out of it.

AFTER your interview, send a card directed to the name of the person who interviewed you (I’ll give you them) that says “Thank you for the interview, I appreciate the opportunity. have a great day” This shows that you have an understanding of professionalism, and will have them thinking of you kindly (or at least remembering you) when they’re shuffling through the choices.

DO NOT tell them you just moved to the city over the phone. In person, tell them you just moved to the city. Make it sound like the only reason you need a job is because you moved. Not because you’re desperate.

__________

The titles of each section are key words you can use to search for jobs on Snagajob.com and Simplyhired.

Data Entry:

Front Desk:

Other jobs you don’t need a degree for that aren’t retail:

Dental hygenist ( yeah, seriously, who knew!) They also make about 40,000 a year)
Stenographer-Court Reporter
Surveyer ( you need a certificate for this, but its something you can get while working a temporary job and doing this on the side. Also, they make like $55,000 a year sooooooo) https://sjobs.brassring.com/TGWEbHost/jobdetails.aspx?jobId=1406428&PartnerId=16023&SiteId=5118&codes=IND
Real Estate Broker
Purchasing agents, except wholesale, retail, and farm products ( basically you arrange to buy large things) they make like 60K
Claims adjuster
Loan Officer
Subway driver (trains) they make like 60K,
Duct Cleaner: http://jobview.monster.com/Duct-Cleaners-950-00-Weekly-Entry-Level-Flexible-Hours-Call-to-Apply-Job-Chicago-IL-US-161970321.aspx?intcid=re

theaugustinwonderland

I knew this but I’m reblogging cause someone might not know

rootbeergoddess

I’m saving this.

the-x-button

imma be real here

piranha plant is legitimately a better addition to smash than fire-fighting starter pokemon #48320

the-x-button

i have just been informed that incineroar, the fucking pokemon thats based on wrestlers, knows a bunch of wrestling and fighting attacks, looks like this

and is constantly seen in wrestling ring

is not fire-fighting, but fire-dark

wheel-skellington

hes dark type because hes a heel

the-x-button

a what

wheel-skellington

in professional wrestling a heel is a wrestler acting as the villain, being rude and underhanded

in fact incineroar is called the Heel Pokemon

trilllizard666

badguy wrestler

think more Stone Cold or Brock Lesnar rather than John Cena

sketchiedetails

He’s meant to draw the ire of the audience

If he isn’t getting under your skin he’s doing a bad job

holdonearmbar

Dark is Evil in Japan, therefore he is a Fire Evil type.

Also you could go further into wrestling terminalogy and say that the heel usually gets the heat of the babyface and then the babyface makes a comeback.

He’s the big heel of the pokemon universe, and he’s based off of one the most popular Japanese Junior heavyweights of all time’s arch rival the Black Tiger.

the-x-button

this is so dumb hes still based on wrestlers

wheel-skellington

wrestling is very much not fighting tho

italeteller

If you wanna go really meta, the whole pokemon community was so done with fire/fighting types, especially after getting a break in the form of Braixen, that seeing Incineroar made everybody go apeshit

And then he was revealed to be a dark type instead of fighting

He was designed to make you mad from day 1

chaosauxilatrix

In other words, he’s a heel in a meta sense as well.

siderealsandman

Good to know my boy Incineroar is still working jabroni marks into shoots three years after his debut. I don’t think anyone’s held this much heat in a long time.

ambris

Re: The first post here.

I’m not even particularly a Incineroar fan, but even I know he’s got way more legitimate reason to be in Smash.

He’s a significant part of the Pokemon canon, actually has demonstrable and powerful martial ability, and brings a unique aesthetic into the Smash roster.

Meanwhile, the piranha plant is a freakin dime a dozen mook. XD

See, that’s what the app is perfect for.

How To Get A Job Fast As Hell